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Onto the Headstone of #METOO

Why is there violence in the world? With that why is there sexual violence in the world?

In order to understand what is happening in the background we have to get back to the seven basic motivations that can define ones personality. The act to abuse anyone sexually can be connected to motivations, so it is simply enough to ask the following question:

Why do you abuse anyone sexually?

You might not understand the question. You cannot even answer it. You cannot give an answer to this question only, if you do not own any motivator that is able to commit the above mentioned action. However If you do own any of the motivators that are able to do it, whether you answer the question or keep it hidden, you must exactly know why you are doing it.

When you are abusing someone sexually, it hurts the other and you must know that well. Since you know it, there are only 3 options:

  1. You simply don’t care that it hurts, because you are having a good time and only that matters. – Individualism
  2. You even enjoy that it hurts and you enjoy having power over the pain of others. – Political
  3. The way of life is reproduction. Animals are doing it every day without overreacting. – Regulatory

There are 3 basic motivators that are able to hurt others on purpose. Individualism, Political, Regulatory. In our lives, our decisions, our actions are driven by our main (primary and secondary) motivators. There is also a third value to balance between the first two if there is a disagreement between them.

That means if someone has 2 main motivators that are able to cause pain for others on purpose, there will be no other motivation to push the person back from doing this activity in practice.

The shades of sexual violence.

Let’s make this clear right at the beginning. Sexual Violence does not have shades. Sexual Violence is Violence. No blurred lines. Those lines actually blurred by us. Those lines are blurred by our mentality. And right that is why we don’t even understand what is this all and reflect it back on the victim saying it was her/his fault.


Andrew is a restrained, thin, weak guy. He lives a speechless, simple, boring life. On a same speechless boring afternoon He is walking home at this very moment on the very same street where he walks every day. But this time some bloke is coming his way. They pass each other. When Andrew starts to feel himself safe, since Andrew afraid of a goldfish even, strong fingers clamps around his neck. The last thing he remembers is someone pulling him in a bush. Happens what has to happen. Andrew will be found dead a few days later.


Betty is a confident, strong person. Currently she is in the middle of a shooting of an adult video. She is calm, she feels herself sexy. She enjoys the work, enjoys being caught by the sight of the camera. The conditions were discussed and agreed in a contract.

Everyone knows in the business anyways that she does not use a specific spot of her body for entrance, that normally we use as exit only. In spite of that suddenly the Director shouts

– Now! – So Bettys casual partner pulls out his pride of her and starts to push it in, where Betty really does not want it to be pushed.


These both cases are Sexual Violence. It’s not like, one is not that much sexual violence because it has happened during shooting porn. It’s not like Betty deserved it. It’s not like, who starts doing porn should not be surprised to be raped.


Cecily and Diana is going to a party. They are average girls in their twenties, whose hormones are on a rampage and their bodies are in top conditions. They love to dress up like hotties. If god gave them curl here and there, why not to show it to everyone who will be that lucky to have a party at the same place where they will have theirs. Later the night a guy picks Cecilia up, and invites her to a houseparty. Diana prefers to leave for home. While she is standing at the bus stop, a car rolls next to her.

– Hey you look hot baby. Have you dressed up for me like that? – Diana tries to pretend like she did not hear the guy. – Hey answer me bitch or I fuck an answer out of you. – the guy gets out of the car and starts to stare at the girl up and down – Who ever dresses up like this baby, is eager to get a dick. Now this is your lucky day, because you can take mine. – He pulls it out and starts to rub it to her bottom, when a small company appears in the opposite side of the street. The guy packs and leaves quickly with a frightened look.


In the meantime… Cecily lies in a random bed in a random house somewhere in the suburban. She drank too much, she feels sick. She is not even aware of her whereabouts. It seems like someone came in the room. Its dark. She feels a warm touch down there.

– Mmmmmpfffsmmmm – she tries to escape from the situation, but she is not even sure if it is happening at all.

– You are beautifull. You were staring at me the whole night. Tell me you want it!

– Mmmmmfffff

– Say you want it!

– Mmmmmmm – the girl loses all the will to deny. Might be it feels right, might be it does not even happening. Might be its just a dream, and she will be fine by tomorrow.


Again all the above is Sexual Violence.

So here are four different examples of Sexual Violence. They are the same. The only difference between them is the way of your thinking.

The way how Regulatory drive thinks can be matched to the way how animals behave but in a reverse way. Among the animals the Male tries to gain the attraction of females to state he is ready for reproduction. So, when Regulatory drive sees a woman dressed up sexy, the Regulatory drive will think she was dresses up that way to gain the attraction of his for reproduction. So then let it be. In this case even a Regulatory Woman will say it was HER fault, because how did she dress. So it’s not only the men, it’s the women as well, who accepts that a sexy dress equals a mating song. So no one should be surprised If it is happening.

Cecily was a victim of someone with an Individualistic drive. Individualistic persons don’t necessary want to cause harm to others, but want to have happy hours for themselves. Unfortunately these two statements cannot be separated in case of a Sexual Violence. So it would be the best to adjust the happening like the girl wanted it, or said yes. Or at least did not say no, or was not obvious, or even she was in an unconscious state. What nobody knows nobody hurts. If it does not hurt than we are allright.

If I find a naked unconscious woman in a random room, ,for some reason, it is not the first though of mine to fuck her. Rather asking how does she feel. Is she ok?

So Individualistic ones will always defend themselves with statements like: She did not say no. I could see she wanted it too. No fucking way she wanted. She was not even aware where she was. (Christiano Ronaldo or Kimi Raikonnen if ever committed what was said they committed falls into this category.)

Andrew was a victim of someone with a Political drive. Political drive seeks power and reign above others feelings. Usually those are committing these crimes with Political drives, who are in a state of life, where they cannot use their Political Motivation on a day to day basis for some reason. For example a Politician person uses his drive every day, so they will not necessarily doing it (Ooops they actually do it anyways, we could see the examples many times at least now you know why…)

However what happened to Betty? Well Betty is the typical case of what is going on in Hollywood (or everywhere else). The way how Betty will think about the case depends on what Motivators Betty owns. If Betty has an Economic drive, which is actually a must have motivator as an actress, then Betty will look for the producer right after the shooting saying they should pay more for the extra work. So Betty will start to make business with her Motivators and will not think for even a minute that she went through a Sexual Violence.

This is the good old Harvey Weinstein way. He thought he buys some happiness for himself and pays with roles in movies. If someone says no, then he will do some abuse of power. If we are talking about Motivators, then this is the combination of Political and Economic drives. Some did it and was thinking about it as a business. Some did not do it and was thinking about it as an abuse. Regardless of Motivators, this is Sexual Abuse or/and Abuse of Power.

If Betty was not that strong person, who I imagined for our story, but someone ordinary, most probably Betty would not do anything but tolerate. Most probably she would not mention it to no one. Even she would say she wanted it. So she won’t feel ashamed.

Who can help? Who should we lean on?

Should we seek help from Leaders? Politicians? As you could see above the Political drive itself is among those motivators that can actually commit Sexual Abuse. All the leaders of the world have Political drives in themselves. That is the reason why they could get to the top.

Should we seek help from the legislation or police? The legislation is the process of making laws and regulations. This equals the Regulatory drive. Police is there to enforce Regulations, also includes Regulatory drive. Regulatory drive as you could see above among those motivators that can also commit Sexual Abuse.

Right those areas don’t really understand what Sexual Abuse is, who could actually effectively work on it to make it stop.

In the world there are 210 ways how a people can perceive reality. This is the number of combinations if we take 3 Motivators out of 7. Out of this 210, 80 ways of thinking is able to commit Sexual Abuse. Out of that 80 there is 6 serial killer mentalities. 80 out of 210 is 38%. On an average 38% of people can commit Sexual Abuse or thinks it is all right.

Sexual Abuse is not All Right. We are human for fuck sake. Not animals.

Robert Danny Jr

My name is Robert Dani Cser. I deliver self-awareness workshops. I develop self-awareness tools. I write self-awareness books. I don't like to speak about myself, because I would never think that in my profession it is relevant who I am. In my profession, what matters is rather what I can give. So, about me: I am not a Coach. I am not a psychologist either. I am a problemsolver, who is incidentally specialized in human problems. I would be perfectly satisfied if the people could get to know themselves, their environment, and as a result they could finally accept or even like who they really are. Though the attributes of a human are constant, those are relative based on the environment. Your weakness in one position can be your strenght in another. Get to know WHAT, WHY, HOW, and with WHAT KNOWLEDGE you do and your life will gain a meaning.

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